Ned and Neville
by TehKortet474
Summary: A very funny quick-read about two Hogwarts students and their misadventures.
(My first HP fanfiction created by me and Genetixx)

*IN POTIONS CLASS*  
*DANGEROUS CHEMICALS ARE PASSED OUT*

The class dunderhead had already drank his entire bottle, and requested a second one.

"That was a toxic mixture," said Snape.

Hermione gasped and raised her hand. "Do you want me to take him to Madame Pomfrey, sir?"

Ned had started having spasms on the floor, having chugged down an entire large bottle of toxin. He was foaming at the mouth, and his face was turning a bizarre shade of green-purple.

"While Kari takes care of this buffoon, we will be learning about the luck potion. Does anyone know it's technical name?"

Hermione raised her hand. "Felix Felicis!"

"I did not call on you, Granger," said Snape. "Ten points from Gryffindor. And additionally, another fifteen because of Ned."

Ned had managed to find his voice, and had started wailing at the top of his voice, disrupting the class.

"Ten points from Gryffindor!" Shouted Snape.

Ned began screaming, and clawed at Harry's pants.

"Saaaaaaaaaveeeee meeeeeeeeeeee! Also, you is horcrux, but Saaaaaaaaaaaaaveeeee Meeeeeeee!"

"Ahh!" Cried Harry, shaking his leg frantically. "Get him off!"

Ron started kicking at Ned, but ended up missing and hitting Harry. "Ow!" Cried Harry once more. "Ow! Ow! Ow!"

Ned pulled out his flip-phone and turned on an Episode of whatever your least-favourite show is.

"LOL! He got hit in the head with a coconut!" Ned shrieked.

"What the fries?!" Exclaimed Ron. "I thought he was dying!"

"Dying?" Said Harry. "I'm just wondering how he can play that HD TV show on a flip phone!"

Hermione nearly screamed in frustration. "Electronics don't work in Hogwarts, and flip phones haven't been invented yet!"

Ned looked up from his phone.

"LOL, wut? Me am not dying? Why you said that?"

"Anyway," said Professor Snape, starting again. "Time to work on our potions. Everyone follow the instructions in your books, and Ned, get back to your table."

Ned looked at Snape.

"Me no have table. You dumb."

Snape glared at him. "Five points from Gryffindor. And if you do not have a table, you obviously do not belong in my classroom."

Ned's face went blank as he stared past Snape.

"What classroom?" He looked around. "Hi me am Ned. Do you wanna play Pokemons? I has a Charizard. Him pretty cool."

Neville raised his hand. "I would like to play."

"Put your hand down, Longbottom," snapped Snape.

Neville did so.

Ned ate his cellphone, and his Pokemon cards, then a student threw a pencil at him. Ned took a step back, fell over, and stood up.

"Gee. If you wanted to play Pokemons that bad you should've asked. Me can get thems back."

"Or I have some in my bag," said Neville. "I've got Mew, MewTwo, and even MewThree."

Snape backhanded Neville and Ned.

"Both of you are to head to the Headmaster's office immediately. You both fail the class. Go."

Neville sighed sadly and slapped Ned. "Now look what happened!"

As soon as they were out of the room, Neville giggled. "Want to go get my cards?"

''''''

LATER

''''''

Ron was looking at Neville's MewThree card in disbelief. Ned reached over to Neville, and clamped his mouth around Neville's wrist, eating the MewThree card in one wet swallow.

Neville gaped at Ned. "NO! MY MEWTHREE!"

Ned licked his lips.

"Yum, yum. Me sure do like the taste of sorrow."

Neville sniffed. "You make me sad, Ned. Very sad."

Ned walked over to Harry, and pulled the glasses off of Potter's face. He than swallowed them, as well. He cackled at Harry. "Hahahahahaha!"

Harry just shook his head. "That was my only pair," he said quietly.

''''''

LATER

''''''

Ned stood in the hallway, blankly looking forwards. Not paying attention, Ron bumped into Ned as he walked to his class.

Ned felt Ron's should brush against his, and in that second, he knew what he had to do. He grabbed Ron's arm, and flipped him over Ned's own head, throwing Ron into the floor.

'Why you just did bump in me, Ron?"

"It was an accident, Ned!" pleaded Ron, on the floor. "I swear!"

"it better have been accident not purpose 'cause otherwise you dead." Ned spat. "I'm just mess with you. Lol."

Ron stood up. "I'm just going to- um, go now."

''''''

LATER

''''''

Holding Trevor tightly, Neville walked into the courtyard, on his way to see professor Flitwick. Ned was standing shock-still, staring off into the distance. As Neville walked through the courtyard, he dropped Trevor once more. Luckily, he picked the toad up fast this time, looking up as he rounded the corner. In front of Neville, was a broken, bleeding corpse.

Neville screamed, but managed to keep hold of Trevor. The corpse lay in a pool of it's own blood, and was facing away from Neville, warranting further investigation. However, Neville was too scared. He screamed again, hoping now that someone else would investigate for him. When no one came, he screamed again, louder this time.

The pool of blood surrounded the corpse slowly expanded. Neville continued screaming, until his voice ran out and he started to cough.

Ned came up behind Neville, and laughed at him for he saw the corpse and started screaming, too.

"Someone help!" screamed Neville. "Dead person!"

Ned, also, was shrieking as loudly as he could. Neville screamed at the same time as Ned, maximizing the volume. Ned turned and screamed into Neville's face, then turned and screamed at the corpse. Neville did the same, after wiping Ned's spit off of his face.

Ned quivered in terror. "It's a dead guy! Wat we do!?"

"Scream!" said Neville, before screaming again.

Ned calmly nodded his head, while looking at Neville.

"Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaamm!"

''''''

Hope you enjoyed! Please, like, review, subscribe, favorite, and follow! If you want to know what happens next you can come help with the story by joining my Harry Potter RP forum. :)

Thanks for reading!


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